Frieren, Grief, and Memorialisation
One of the disappointing parts of a story is when it ends. We can lay awake wondering what happens past the point of where we left it, but little is known for sure. We’re simply left wondering if “happily ever after” is truly the case.
I think this is why Frieren is so captivating as a show. Technically, the show is called “Frieren: Beyond Journey’s End” - allowing us to explore a story that begins at the end. And the idea of it all beginning at the end is the whole focus. Frieren is a story about grief, and loss. It’s about confronting the end, as we continue to move past “ever after”.
Frieren is an elf, blessed with a very long life. She joins up with a group of adventurers determined to take down the Demon King, whose demons are destroying villages and killing people as they destroy life around them. Frieren, Himmel, Eisen and Heiter together killed the Demon King.
And this is actually where the story starts. Fifty years after the defeat of the Demon King, Frieren has been spending her time travelling around and gathering spells. When she comes back to visit the capital, she finds Himmel very different to how she left him. He’s now old. As is everyone she travelled with. Her companions begin to die, and Frieren is faced with the realisation of a long life.
Much of Frieren as a show is about death and grief - not just Frieren herself, but all her new companions are also dealing with grief. For Frieren, she obviously is dealing with the loss of her companions. Fern, her foster father who was also Frieren’s companion Heiter. Their frontline fighter Stark lost his whole family in a demon attack on his village. Grief is centered in the story, constantly giving us characters who are grappling with grief in a variety of ways and understanding themsleves in the world in slightly different perspectives.
Frieren has her own issues with grief. Being an elf gifted with a long life, she had long seen herself as somehow outside the humans she interacted with. They were like house flies are to us - short lived and temporary. She even confessed as much to Himmel and the others before their parting after defeating the Demon King. Ten years to Himmel was a large percentage of his life. But ten years for Frieren was nothing. And yet, she reflects grief at not only the passing of her companions, but also on the decision to not have spent more energy to know them.
I have already done a video essay on grief. When talking about Spiritfarer, we discussed grief and some of the sociological appraoches tot he topic. I’ll review some of here, but not extensively. Historically, in Western academia, we have seen a growth of understanidng of grief - starting with something that was pathologised, and ending with something that is highly discussed. While we are newly approaching things with a more full lens, we still have a lot to learn about grief and the ways we experience it. In Spiritfarer, we focused on the “continuing bonds” theory of grief. There are still aspects of continuing bonds in Frieren, though it is focused much more on the process of memorialisation.
During the period of time where we pathologised grief, grief was something to move on from. It was supposed to be hidden, and quickly moved past. We are now, however, in what has been dubbed “spectacular grief” - the time period in which hidden grief is removed, and we are now free to discuss it. In fact, during “spectacular grief”, grief is not only free to be discussed, but is often discussed and takes over much of the conversation.
Frieren fits well in this period of spectacular grief. It pivots grief to be a primary theme, and we get front row seats to get to see and hear what grief looks and feels like.
While the sociology and anthropology of grief has a lot to learn and grow from its more problematic past, what it has shown us is that grief is not a simple process. Its not straightforward, nor proscribed. Someone may go through the five stages of grief, but another may not - and that does not make their grief any less than. It is simply different. Bereavement is not something which can be set up as something that we can just tick boxes off as they come and go. It’s not a diagnosis with a prognosis.
What we have learned through experiencing grief and studying grief, is that grief is something that is never finished. There’s a saying in anthropology that is often used: “constant state of becoming”. This is something you hear a lot, in a variety of spaces. And I think it encompasses grief. But what does it actually mean when we say this?
It means that we are cosntantly in a process of internalising the experience and making it become a part of us. It’s not a one step, or even one time, thing, but something that is continuous. We are never finished re-understanding, re-analysing, and re-personalising these experiences. Grief is not something you finish and complete, but rather something that comes back throughout your life, in new forms and new understandings.
In Frieren, grief and grieving is centered around memory. Frieren spends her time reflecting on her previous ten year journey, re-experiencing, re-analysing, and re-personalising her experiences. Fresh context gives her fresh understandings of her cmpanions, even those already passed. She also is able to reflect on how such a small amount of time impacted her life so drastically, even though she was unaware of such at the time.
Throughout the story of Frieren, she gathers new companions to join her. She starts with Fern, a mage she is tricked into taking on as an apprentice by Heiter before he dies. Her other companion, Eisen, who is also blessed with a longer life than humans though not as long as Frieren, had tried to train Stark, a fighter who is also a bit of a coward. The three begin to travel back up North, to an area near where the old Demon King’s castle still stands. She retraces her steps, coming back to villages, towns and cities she had visited so many decades before.
Not only is she tracing her way through the same path, but her ultimate goal is try and communicate with the dead. Therefore, the show, and Frieren as a character, has completely centered on grief. She is contantly re-living, re-experiencing, and re-contextualising her previous experiences, and seeing how the memory of the long past is still lingering into the present.
This all being said, there is an important difference painted here. Not all memory is created equal. Frieren focuses so much on individual memory - Frieren’s memory of her companion, or even Fern remembering her foster father. But when the discussion of memory shifts to being about heroic deeds and national memory, this is seen as far less important.
Himmel’s memory is kept large as a hero. He’s remembered fondly, and statues of him are erected throughout the countryside as Frieren makes her way through. The statues, however, do not remind her of his great deeds, but rather of his personality. The memories most saved and cared for are those focused on simple acts, and direct interactions with individual people. A Mage Frieren meets, Wirbel, confesses that growing up he admired Himmel for his great heroic deeds. However, his village spoke more of the small acts of care Himmel had performed for the individual people - simple things, such as carrying heavy baskets.
These more simple memories are more of what carried Himmel’s memory. Frieren reflects on how Himmel insisted on doing these small acts of kindness - not to be remembered as a hero, but because it was the just thing to do. Wirbel reflects that these memories are important because they reflect how simple people are just wanting live their life, and therefore grand exploits of heroic ventures rang less important than carrying heavy baskets for the merchant.
In fact, Frieren as a show frequently shows us how heroic memory - the memory of great big deeds - was less important than those more centered on everyday life. Heroic memory is often short lived, and dies out after time. When the cares and concerns of the world have moved beyond the evil that was taken care of, the memory of these great deeds begins to fall. In other words, the memory of heroes only lasts for as long as the reason to remember them last. But eventually, these things fade.
We actually see this happen. Not to Himmel, but to a reflection of someone who was once like Himmel. Frieren’s party runs into another elf, named Kraft. He is living on his own, also travelling around the world exploring and adventuring. He speaks, though, of a time when people would have known his name. Later, Frieren encounters a statue of Kraft with a human companion. The villager who has asked for Frieren to clean the statue admits that both names have been forgotten, as well as the reason they had statues to begin with. But they are known as heroes, nothing more.
Kraft does not seem upset with this change. He sees it as a matter of life and the flow of memory. But this is probably because he has his own memories of his time, his adventures, and his friend.
Frieren points out this issue of heroic memory at the very end of the first season. Lernen, an old mage, was brought up to great prominence but in a time of peace brought about by the defeat of the Demon King. He laments this era of peace because he was unable to create a legacy for himself.
Frieren reflects on how childish this is. Instead, she talks about the people who care for him, and how these people care, love, and cherish him. These memories are what will move forward.
Memory of the great deeds are less important, less caring, and less real in many ways than the memories cherished by those dear to you. It also demonstrates how memory is short lived - life is temporary. Although those who love you and care for you carry your memory, they, too, will pass. But no legacy would last forever.
Frieren is, in many ways, the anime version of Shelley’s Ozymandias. Large statues can be erected with great memory of your legacy, but “nothing beside remains” as the “lone and level sands stretch far away.”
Frieren is about loss. It’s about grief. It’s about realising and re-contextualising the things you have lost. We can sit here and talk for ages about these things we have lost, the people who are no longer around us, the lives we are no longer living, the people no longer living them with us. We can talk about all these things, and reflect on how they affect us. But we also carry them in our memory, think about them, reflect on them. We remember those who have left us behind, and the lives we used to live.
But Frieren teaches us more than this. It doesn’t just teach us to remember, or to cherish these memories. It doesn’t just teach us about grief and loss. It teaches us about death, yes, but more importantly, Frieren teaches us to carry things with us. It tells us that its not about moving on, but about carrying things with us. It’s not about just death, but its about what it means to live.